maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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