The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
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my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
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Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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