sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Apparently you make a good broom.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
