omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
