someone get that fucking seahorse.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
