I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
