How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
