Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
