Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
