theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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