Do you still have your period?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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