You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
