New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
