hell yes lets make some ravioli
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
