He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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