i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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