I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am one with the molecules
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
