I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
