Will you blow on my dice?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
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