so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
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If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
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So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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