is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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