i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
