You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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