youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
