Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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