Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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