I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
