It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
