i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
