I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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