which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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