I intend to get homeless drunk
We are two peas in an std pod
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She bit a glass in half.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
