That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
