she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
not ubering you a puppy
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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