so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
