If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
