Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
