Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
