forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
