worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
