I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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