Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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