So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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