literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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