I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
