I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
