weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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