i'm signing you up for texting rehab
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
