I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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