You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize