my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
