then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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