what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
