her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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