You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
