I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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