you win again, gameday.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
