Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
No subtext here. People are naked.
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Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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