why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
