need another drink. this is the easiest way
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
