I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
