i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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