Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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