I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
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I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
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I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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