She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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