went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
