Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
